2:02 PM EDT, March 17, 2011
As we now know from the latest polite American discourse, our teachers, especially our public school teachers, are a bunch of lazy bums.
This should come as no surprise, since we have known for years that they have been sucking our state treasuries dry. So let us all rise and salute the new Boy Governor of Cheeseland for bringing the awful truth to the forefront. Without Governor Cheesehead's courage and outside support from two patriotic industrialists in Kansas, who knows how long this could have gone on? Did you know that teachers get off of work at 2:30 and head straight to the mall? It's true; it's true, because I heard it on Fox News. In addition, they take three months off, during the summer no less, and not a SINGLE one of them does anything but loaf around swimming pools with their own kind and devise even more ways to dumb down our children.
Most of these children come into the public school system well adjusted and highly motivated. Their nutrition is second to none and they are but 12 years away from scoring 1600 on their SAT tests. But what happens once they are brainwashed by unionized public school teachers? Twenty percent of them drop out, their SAT scores fall somewhere below Tanzania and ten percent end up in prison. Meanwhile those children taught by non-union, private school teachers and those who are home-schooled all go to college.
I have looked into this matter myself locally. Right here in South Bend I discovered one teacher who owns a two-car garage. He only has the one car right now but finds himself just a few years away from a pension check that will allow him to either upgrade to a factory fresh Ford Focus or possibly get a second used car. In Mishawaka I've heard about a teacher who goes on vacation EVERY year to a different Great America amusement park. Not sure if that story is true, because I did not get it from Fox News.
So thank you, Governor Cheesehead of Cheeseland. But this is just one battle in what needs to be a never-ending war. What about police officers? More lazy bums always whining about the alleged dangers of their daily jobs while driving around our safe neighborhoods. And the firefighters? Come on! What's a little heat and smoke once in a while? We all know how well they eat when they are just loafing around those comfy firehouses.
I could go on and on. But until I get the truth from Fox News, all of us should join hands and vow to continue to trash teachers. It's so easy, even a lazy bum could do it.