In my world there are only two seasons a year, winter and baseball season. And it wouldn't be baseball season unless I could take a few good-natured jabs at my pals who are Chicago Cubs fans. However, as you read this keep in mind I am a die-hard fan of the perennially miserable Pittsburgh Pirates.
As you know the Cubs have entered a second century of futility. But now the situation appears to be dire.
Some of the excuses for more than 100 years without a championship include a goat, a Bartman, a botched exorcism of the dugout by a priest, the wind, the heat, the cold, day games after night games and night games after day games.
Now comes the ultimate challenge. The world is going to end on May 21st. Really, I read it on several Internet sites and, like all of you, I believe everything I read on the Internet.
Not only does this cause a personal problem for me - I already put a down payment on a vacation starting a week after the end of the world - it obviously puts incredible pressure on the Cubs to get off to a fast start in 2011. And what about the pressure on baseball commissioner Bud Selig? In recent years he has had the World Series ending after midnight in November. It is his very clever way of making sure the TV ratings continue on a steady decline.
So what do we do? Simple. Cancel the regular season and start the playoffs immediately and "grandfather" the Cubs in. After all, their fans have suffered enough and only God knows what will happen to them after May 21st.
There is some good news in all of this. All the World Series games could be played in good daytime weather because if the world is going to end why should any of you go to work or send the kids to school.
The bad news is the championship parade would have to be cancelled due to hail and brimstone.
I only have one request. When the Cubs win, can I get my vacation deposit back?